How to deal with the grief of losing a loved one?

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My family recently went through a very difficult time when we lost my father-in-law. Although he had been unwell for a long time, the news about his death came as a great shock to all of us. There is no replacement for people we lose especially our parents. Knowing that you will never be able to see an important part of your family is a very heartbreaking and painful experience. This incident made me ponder over the question of how one can deal with the regrets that one feels when he or she loses someone they love so dearly. I am not a psychiatrist or a professional dealing with these issues on a daily basis. But this article is based on my observations and life experiences. 

There are a few things one could do to help them deal with the grief of losing someone dear to us.

1. Express yourself 

One fine day you are told that the person who was a part of your daily life is gone and that you will never be able to see or hear them. Anyone who has gone through such situations knows that a realization of this type shocks your body physically and mentally. Instead of holding back your feelings, one should simply express whatever they feel at that point of time and even thereafter. There will be moments when one feels extremely sad and there will be moments when one smiles thinking about their loved one. In all circumstances express yourself without fear of being judged. Cry your heart out when you feel like and smile when you remember those happy moments.

2. Acceptance 

Once the phase of initial shock is over, then you have to accept the reality. It’s easier said than done. Some people take a few days while some people take years to get to this phase. No matter how difficult it sounds but the only truth of life is death. One must accept death as an integral part of life. Take your time to feel and express the grief and the pain that you feel when you lose someone you love. But also know that life goes on even after the person you loved so much has passed away. So accept this reality as soon as you can. The more time you take in letting go of the deceased, the more difficult it will be for you to go on with your life.

3. Be grateful for the memories you created

Once you accept the reality, think about the memories that you created with your loved one. They may not be with you physically but they will continue to be alive in the world of memories that you created together. Remember them in your good times and smile. Be grateful that they were a part of your life even if it was just for a short while.

4. Think about the people who are still a part of your life

The best way to deal with grief and loss is to involve yourself in the lives of the people who are still alive and a part of your life. Think about how you can contribute positively in their lives. When a person dies, he or she leaves many others behind. Be a support system for each other. Although there can be no pain more intense than that of losing someone but after one accepts the reality of death, they must also learn to live for themselves and their family, friends and the people who are still alive and a part of their life.

5. Forgive yourself

The loss of a loved one brings with it not only the pain of dealing with the grief but also the regrets and guilt of not being able to do more for the person you lost. Life and death are planned by destiny and nobody has control over these events. When one loses a loved one, they feel guilty of the things that they missed out on, the hug that they were not able to give, the call that they should have made, the visit was long overdue and the list is endless. But even if one had gotten a chance to see their loved ones before their demise, there will still be a regret of doing something else for the deceased before the death occurred. No goodbye is ever enough when you love someone dearly. Don’t blame yourself for the things you could have done, rather think about the things that you did while they were still alive. Don’t keep regrets in your heart as nobody has control over life or death. Forgive yourself.

6. Move on

This is the hardest thing to do and to hear. But as the saying goes “The show must go on”. Life doesn’t wait for anyone. One day the reality will sink in and one will have to move on. Don’t try to forget the person you lost. Many people believe that involving oneself in work or other things is the solution to dealing with grief. But the ones who have done this know it doesn’t work. Involving oneself in other activities or work is a temporary solution. But to move on with life, one has to accept the death of a loved one as a part of their present reality. Once this is done, only then can one move on in the real sense. 

Different people take different amounts of time to deal with the loss of a loved one. Don’t rush yourself. Try to help others who are in pain or who are less fortunate than you. This will help you not only deal with your loss but also to realize that you have so much more to give back to the world. Helping others is a process by which you can elevate your life to a meaningful purpose and heal yourself of the anger and hurt that you suffer. I hope this article helps you in your journey of healing.