Life happens in phases. When we are growing up, we go to school, then to college, then we think about the career to opt for and then we get hitched/married. Different people have different priorities and some choose a career, while some choose love. Most people choose both career and love. Once a couple gets hitched, the next phase of their lives is having a baby. Here comes the dilemma. In Indian society, even the most modern families and relatives start enquiring with a married couple about the good news (i.e. whether they are pregnant?) within the first few months of their marriage. These days the new generation of married couples are career-oriented and they also want to enjoy their life by engaging in travelling or other hobbies. Usually, having babies soon after marriage is seldom a priority for thenew-generation couples. That brings me to the question which we rarely ever read about, i.e. whether the couple really wants to have a baby or is it just a choice opted for due to different types of pressures.
In previous generations, the only pressure that a couple used to have for making a choice to have a baby was that of the family. However, these days there are other type of pressures such as pressure to fit in the society, pressure of being judged, pressure of friends, etc. Some parents insist that their sons and daughters should have a baby soon as they are worried that they may not live to see their grandson or granddaughter. This is so unreasonable and unfair to the couple who has to ultimately make the choice.
One of my friends was quite clear that they didn’t want to have any children and after a few months they told me they were having a baby. I was confused and baffled by this news as I didn’t understand how the sudden shift happened in their priorities. I was then told that most of their friends and business associates were having children, so to fit in that society they needed to have a baby.
Another couple decided to have a baby because they thought that if they didn’t have a baby, they would be looked at as someone with whom “something is wrong” health-wise or financially.
Many people decide to get pregnant simply because all their friends have a baby and the only thing being discussed at the dinner table is pampers or the milestones which the baby achieves when it becomes X months old or the baby clothes, etc. During such conversations, the childless couple feels left out and thinks that if they too have a baby, they will still have friends.
The above pressures are merely some types of pressures that the childless couple has to deal with while they are deciding what they really want. So many couples who have a young child are always complaining about sleepless nights and how difficult their lives have become due to this new addition to their family. They make pregnancy such a big affair, almost like a disease. If you chose to have a child, didn’t you know the things you would have to undergo as new parents? I believe the only reason for arriving at a decision of when to have a baby is when the wife and the husband actually want the baby. Have a baby because you really want it and not because of the societal or family pressures. Everyone has different challenges to meet in their lives. Don’t try to be like someone else. If you have a medical situation which complicates the process of conception, please don’t look at it as your weakness. The stress that one goes through, while sitting in the long queues outside a gynaecologist’s office is not worth it if you are not happy and if you are choosing to have a baby due to external pressures. Find out what makes you happy first. If you are happy, you will have a happy child. Don’t bring a life on Earth, if that life is only a means to meet some of your materialistic ends or to give you company when you get old. A child is a big responsibility and can add a new beautiful meaning to your life and your identity. Ask yourself whether you are ready to love unconditionally? Are you ready to sacrifice and change your priorities? Are you ready for letting the child go and allow him or her to make his or her own life choices when they grow up?
Having a baby is a wonderful process and when the baby is growing, the parents are learning and growing too. The decision to have a child or not to have a child should be the decision of the parents and not due to the pressures from the family or society. People who don’t have children are as normal as those who have children. It is only a matter of what life you choose for yourself.
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